ICSA Resources

For anyone you know who may have been in a cult, really religious organization, or isn't socialized into American culture (i.e. taxes, boundaries, finances): http://startingout.icsa.name/

Something I ran across...

I find this incredibly interesting, and while deprogramming is questionable, I definitely think that sometimes, it is for the betterment of some individuals to be taken out.  I however do not like the need to find/ be religious post-cult.  I, myself, am not religious and I think I'm pretty sane after my cult experience.  I know it was more than an experience, at the time it was my life, but the most positive way to look at it is as an "experience" meaning it could be good or bad (mostly the latter), but that it doesn't make up me and who I am.  


http://tcmedianow.com/video/wcco-moore-report-thy-will-be-done-examination-of-new-religious-organizations-and-cults-aired-originally-january-3-1980/

Martha Marcy Mae Marlene

You have to watch this, I'm so excited to see it when it comes to video come Feb. 12th!

It's a psychological thriller, in which a girl leaves a cult that she's been in and it is set the first two weeks after she leaves. She goes through so much psychological fear and paranoia. Ain't that what leaving a cult is? Although, the preview makes it a little more...psychotic than everyones' experiences...


It stars Elizabeth Olsen, younger sister of the Olsen twins and I seemed hesitant when I saw her name, but then I saw her acting and wow!  I also saw a clip of her on Jimmy Kimmel and she's this happy go-lucky personality with incredible intelligence.  WILL WATCH FOR A VERY LONG TIME, I think she's going to be big, like Oscar big, not ripped and torn apart big by Hollywood.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/martha_marcy_may_marlene/

Lisa McPherson and Scientology's spin

Lisa McPherson was basically left to die by the "Church of Scientology" in 1995.
From http://www.lisamcpherson.org/:


"On December 5, 1995, Lisa McPherson was dead on arrival at a hospital 45 minutes north of Clearwater Florida. According to the coroner's report,Lisa was underweight, severely dehydrated, and had bruises and bug bites.  Scientologists chose to pass three hospitals en route to New Port Richey Hospital, where Scientologist Dr. David Minkoff was on duty. They could have gone to Morton Plant Hospital, only six minutes away.

Lisa's last address was listed by the police as 210 S. Ft. Harrison in Clearwater Florida, which is the Fort Harrison Hotel, a Scientology property. Lisa had been a Scientologist from the age of 18 to her death at age 36.

...
"On November 18, 1995, Lisa was involved in a minor car accident. She was apparently not hurt, but she got out of her car and took all her clothes off and seemed mentally unstable. She was taken to a hospital where she was physically evaluated as being unharmed, but the hospital wanted her to be psychologically cared for. However, some Scientologists arrived and stated that Lisa did not believe in psychiatry, and she checked out after a short evaluation and left with the Scientologists against the attending doctor's advice. She went with them to Room 174 of the Ft. Harrison Hotel for "rest and relaxation" according to the church, but church logs from Lisa's stay there  from November 18 to her death December 5 show differently. Lisa was put on the Introspection Rundown that Scientology uses to handle those who have had a psychotic break. Some logs are missing, and a high ranking ex-Scientologist has written an affidavit in which he claims that the church has in the past destroyed documents that might get the church in trouble. Marty Rathbun, a former high-ranking Scientologist, revealed that he was responsible for the missing records;


On June 12, 2000 the criminal charges were dropped against Scientology because (so the prosecutor claims) the medical examiner could not be counted on to confidently testify, even though the criminal charges were abuse of a disabled person and practicing medicine without a license.  You can read much of the Clearwater police department's evidence and Scientology's  logs of Lisa's stay, view some of the autopsy photos, and decide for yourself. Then ask why Scientology now makes members sign a waiver specifically against suing Scientology over the Introspection Rundown:"





Here is a video which is gives a run down of what happened to her and with photos, so be careful if there are any kids around.

Lisa McPherson video
Uploaded by doyle63l5 on Feb 11, 2009 


The spin that scientology uses sounds a lot like my cult. Many cults use the same sound bites and tactics, but scientology looks a lot more black tie and with people who are great orators (David Miscavige is the current leader).  They use the same tactics "the media is bad and out to get us", "the leaders in such and such city are against us" and "the government had to pay for their illegal case against us" and just lies and spins, here is their celebratory speech about Lisa's case (with commentary):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO9VV11V1kE

The video is not mine and was uploaded by Enthetamachine on Feb 8, 2008.

I want to post all of these new things happening with the cult I was in, but I also don't want to give up too much information, due to family and friends mentioned in the blog.  There's so much legal stuff going down with money and lawyers being insane.  That's the most I can say.  My friend was in the cult with me and has been getting emails about it all, along with me.  There's this great thing on google mail, where you can get email alerts if there's a keyword in a news article or legal document.  I suggest putting in your cult leader's names or other keywords if you want to keep up with it in the legal or journalistic sense.  

Poems

A poem that describes how cult members feel, yes it's for stockholm syndrome, but it works for abuse too.
Below it is a poem that my sister wrote.






Horribly Beautiful (Stockholm Syndrome) 
Your obsession
Turns into possession
Paying too much attention
To me

My emotions
Are the bullets in your gun
Your potion
Is the poison of my love

You take me
Away from all that's real
You break me
You don't know that I can't feel
Anything

My sorrow
You borrow
For the weapon you will make
Tomorrow
Or today
I don't know
What to say
I'm afraid

It's so horrible
But so beautiful
It's a wonder
And I ponder
Why…do I…?
It's so terrible
It's so…horribly beautiful!

You stole my soul
Now you're taking my heart
Leaving a gaping hole
Where you tore me apart

My feelings
Are the blades of knives
The killings
Are something that you like

But I understand you now
Although I really don't know how
But I fell
Fell into a well
Of the many tears I've spilled
Not for all the people that you've killed
But for you…

My emotions!
Are the bullets of this art!
Your potion!
Is the poison of my heart!

It's so horrible
But so beautiful
It's a wonder
And I ponder
Why…do I…love you?…
It's so terrible
It's so…horribly beautiful
Horribly beautiful
Horribly beautiful!
Poem by xBL.ind.KilljoyX












“There Is”

There’s a feeling of fear,
Of hopelessness,
Of drear,

There’s a feeling of pain,
Of frustration,
Of drain,

There’s a feeling of anger,
Of madness,
Of danger,

There’s a feeling of loneliness,
Of sadness,
Of useless,

There’s a feeling of flight,
Of sleep,
Of no might,

There’s a feeling of trying,
Of failing,
Of crying,

There’s a feeling of maybe,
Of hope,
Of “save me”,

There’s a feeling of okay,
Of relax,
Of one day,

There’s a feeling of hope,
Of resurrection,
Of cope,

There’s a feeling of light,
Of courage,
Of might,

There’s a drop,
Falling,
Flop,

There’s a what?
It’s back?
A cut,

There’s a return,
To the usual,
To the burn,

There’s crazy,
Disgust,
Hazy,

There’s a cycle,
Never-ending,
Unpredictable,

There’s freedom?
Yeah,
I’m not dumb,

There’s the cult,
It still exists,
That’s the insult.


Poem by Yäel*

Holy wow, huge story done by the Milwaukee Sentinel on a cult in the U.S. in a rural town in Wisconsin.  I wish there were more or bigger stories like this:

http://www.jsonline.com/business/followers-put-their-faith-in-his-hands-8k2b55o-133308973.html

Sex and Undue Influence

Recently Warren Jeffs was charged with statutory rape and many other disgusting/perverse things. I say „thankfully someone has gotten even a sliver of justice“, because so many people haven't.  It's sad how someone has to do something as bad as child brides for them to get caught (or tax evasion), and they don not get caught due to abuse of an adult, mind control or other reasons.   I hope that the girls who were forced to marry him (and were forced into having sex on videotape in front of a bunch of men) will find some peace and more justice through all of this. I hope the same sort of thing happens to LEADER* (I wish I could say his name without being worried about being sued).   LEADER* didn't marry younger girls, but there is enough anecdotal evidence that he had „sex“ (barely, since he has so much control) with them along with married women, all while preaching fidelity and family.  Sex is suppose to have no control aspect to it, intercourse should not be consented based on power.   Leaders have influence and control over their followers and the followers will agree to things that they would otherwise not, had there been no control/influence.  In cultic studies, they call this influence „undue influence“.   Much like statutory rape laws, people are being told by those in control that something is okay even if it's not. I want justice for our cult and every other cult out there, I'm so sick of hearing cult leaders get away with sexual and physical abuse, and getting caught financially. To me, getting them financially is easy, but people do not realize all that was done and thus it is „easy“.   Easier to judge, easier to prosecute, defend and dismantle. Just easy.

http://www.christianpost.com/news/warren-jeffs-trial-prosecution-plays-sex-tape-of-jeffs-giving-explicit-sexual-instructions-to-under-aged-girls-53556/

p.s. quotes are funny since I did this in Word which thinks I was typing in German so used the german symbols for quotes.

Hausarbeit: Religionssoziologie

Here's one of my papers from Junior Year of College and I wrote it in German, so this is the translated version:

     Imagine visiting another strange country, one that you have only heard stereotypes about, but do not know the language, the culture, customs, the food or religion. This is what Second Generation cult members feel when leaving a cult. They do not know the language of “normal” society, they do not feel grounded and often times they are without spiritual sustenance. Who one was in the cult is very different than who one is outside of it. What one experiences and how they react are shown in the boundaries that are place upon one another. Boundaries are unclear for people leaving high-demand groups/sects, especially for children born into one (SGAs: Second Generation Adults). In a cult boundaries are inconsistent with everyday societal norms. The cult dominates the experiences in life and ones reaction to those experiences. In mainstream religions, it does not necessarily dominate every reaction or every experience. There is still some sort of free will and trust in people. The group takes precedence over any needs that members have, such as emotional or psychological. The religion, and specifically the group becomes another society, with its' own norms, profanities and rules. The boundaries that children or even adults have are vague and shame ridden. So how does someone enter general society with vague or non-existent boundaries?

Recruitment and Shedding of Boundaries

Cult recruitment can occur to everyone at anytime, just like other religions. There is a deception in recruitment, and that is how they get you to join and to do things you never thought possible. They use the idea of “undue influence” to change your point of view. Say without the cult, you were taught to never let your children be hurt by your own hand, but they undue this view and you find yourself years later hitting your child. This deception also consists of “mind control”. In this, the leader and the group controls what you do, say and what your worldview is. The difference between a cult and a religious sect is how the members feel they have been treated. It is hard to say what exactly a Cult is, but it involves a high demand group and a charismatic leader who control their members' lives. With children born into these situations, they do not have a worldview to change, rather it has been shaped their whole lives. It is all they know, all that they have seen. Children born into cults do not have to be persuaded into participating in an action, they follow what they have been taught and told. Their boundaries have been established already, by the cult, it's leader and it's members. Boundaries are what defines oneself, whether through defining ones territories or limits.¹

Boundaries are what one owns, their mind, spirit, emotions and rights. Healthy boundaries help one grow and to develop healthy relationships with oneself and others. They help one protect their assets as human beings.

Vague Boundaries

The boundaries of who and what might be acceptable is blurred in a high demand religious group, especially cults. These boundaries are indistinct sometimes and are easily intruded on by other members or the leaders. A cult is like a family, in that everyone is forced together, continuously in and out of other members' problems. They are also in close proximity for a long period of time, if not all the time. What one member might experience, the others do in some form or another, because privacy and confidentiality are neither important nor respected. There is also a group ideal, language and belief. There are little reasons to explore problems outside of the cult/family, because you are taught to hate the “outside” world and to not be interested in it. The cult has all you need or could ever want, it gives you eternal fulfillment.² A lot of members disengage themselves from their former life and family, because the cult becomes their family. The leader limits their access to the outside world, it is often censored and/or monitored.³ There are many boundaries in which someone entering “normal” society faces, these are just the most important.

How boundaries are formed

Many people ask how exactly did these boundaries get into place for non-SGAs and SGAs. Rosanne Henry, LPC, uses Fossum and Mason's “Shame Control Model of Abuse” to describe how boundaries are broken and rebuilt (or discovered and built for SGAs) inside of a cult. Originally this is used by Fossum and Mason was used for families to help drug abusers/addicts return to their pre-drug states and the arrow went in the opposite direction. Frau Henry, on the other hand uses it for cults having the arrow go the opposite direction. First there is “Intimacy” or the converting stage. Second the “Calm” stage, the “Quiet Abuse” and later “Active Abuse” stages.

INTIMACY	ACTIVE ABUSE
CALM	QUIET ABUSE

Rosanne Henry states that the left side is the respectful family interactions, whereas the right side is the disrespectful. The right side is when a sect or religion becomes a cult or a destructive cult. The left side starts with intimacy/ recruitment. In this, the leaders and the followers react warmly to the person they are trying to recruit. They use (semi) rational statements and arguments to prove their point. In “intimacy” they slowly shed your “outside” boundaries, by surrounding you by like-minded people (spiritually, socially and financially) and dealing with problems directly and evenly. They are a “healthy” and “happy” family. Healthy families stay in this Intimacy realm for long periods of time. The leadership is “dynamic and divine”, not “feared and omnipotent”. ⁴ The leader of the cult appears charismatic, compassionate and knowledgeable at this stage. The members enjoy each other and work well together, thus you are likely to shed boundaries and walls protecting yourself from mind-control and abuse.

Next, the groups leads the member to the calm stage, in which there is now calm interaction instead of a “star performance”, in other words a utopia.

“However, cult leaders and shame bound families cannot maintain this star performance and eventually allow CALM interactions, even though these interactions may make members feel uneasy.”

Here, the member is still respected. It is less of a recruitment stage now, the member holds more of an active role. This is the obedient and productive stage. There is more work done for the movement, whether it be sweeping incessantly, or by building things. This is the stage in which members are seen the most in the outside world, because they are doing things such as handing out flowers and/or “speaking the word” of their movement. Here is where they also raise money and recruit new members, this is because the members recruiting are calm and collective and are still respected. They do, however, end up “einen Eiertanz aufführen”, because they have to fill arbitrary quotas (for member recruitment or money fundraising).

When they do not fill these quotas, they can be easily led into the quiet abuse stage, and are constantly going in and out of these two stages (calm and quiet abuse). The quiet abuse stage, is the first disrespectful stage. There is less obvious assault on devotees than the Active Abuse stage, because they use more emotional tactics and psychological abuse. There are threats to abandon the follower or blaming of the follower for every wrong that has been done to or within the group. They are also given the silent treatment. There is an “undermining assaultiveness”, in which people do not know why they feel bad or why they feel abused. In this way, there can be more devastating impacts on a person. This change from calmness to quiet abuse depends on the mood of the leader. There is an unpredictable atmosphere within a destructive cult. How the leader feels affects how your day will turn out, how you will be seen by other members and how you will be treated. This is not how a real society or family acts, but how a destructive cult reacts.

After this stage, comes Active Abuse. In this, the shame, denial, self-righteousness and control are released into a physical form. The quiet abuse intensifies into active abuse which is where “tangible overt abuse” occurs and may be physically excessive and harmful to oneself or another. This kind of abuse is against the law. The active abuse can also be hard to get over for a child, because they may not develop socially and because of the leader dipping in and out of this stage, they cannot learn to trust in a healthy way. It can be extremely hard to trust people, especially adults who are creating this abuse and violence, and to trust oneself to not get into trouble again; it is seen as the child's' own fault for their punishment, not the adult, thus it is hard to trust oneself. With Second Generation Adults who were raised in destructive cults, one can also apply the shame control model, but they never have the intimacy part of it. They built their boundaries with the abuses and the calmness forever surrounding them. Their Identities are committed to the mission and are a part of themselves.

Boundaries between the Elders and the Children in a Group

One of the most blurred boundaries in which children need to discover, is deciding who is really in charge. In a cult, you act as a family. You are suppose to be kind and inclusive to everyone. They are sometimes told to watch eight other children at the age of 13.⁵ They take on the role of adults and thus are told to boss around adults and tell on them if the adult does something deviant. These children do not learn how to be used or not used. Many also do not know “Good touch vs. Bad touch”. There are many abuses that happen, sexual being one of them. Once coming out of a cult, a SGA might be very confused as to what is actually okay and when something is too far. One just has to visit a anti-cult library to find out that there are many cases of sexual abuse in the new religious movements.

Challenges of Overcoming these Boundaries

Es ist eine Herausforderung für Psychologen und andere Leute eine Beziehung zu ex-mitglieder aufzubauen, da sie einen anderen Sprachgebraucht haben. Dr. Leona Furnari and other cult-experts call this a different language even if the same language is spoken. This simply means that the words used and said have very different meanings than in the outside world. The outside world uses “auditing” in a very different way than say Scientology uses it. This is also called “loaded language”⁶ These are words which carry a lot of emotions and triggers. One word may pose a threat in the cult, but in the “real” world is harmless. Not only are there words with different meanings, but in the cult, there is a hidden agenda with words. One finds themselves thinking “You said something, but didn't mean that, you meant this?” This strangeness confuses people and their distrust is shown in their language and how they interpret language. One challenge the ex-members will have to face is overcoming their fear from these words, smells and people which remind them of their experience, at least enough so that they can function. They must learn to go through a day without being hurt by a single word.

Another challenge that ex-members and especially SGAs face is within education. Their public and private education in generally sporadic. Sometimes they are home-schooled and thus have very little to no education. Their education is sometimes limited to the doctrines of the cult, therefore history, social sciences or science are rarely even taught. This is the opposite of the “real” world. You must have all of these to function as a part of society. Not only are many limited to their knowledge, but also resources. One may be given a text-book, but that is all, no questions may be asked, you just have to read the book “everything will be in there”. Thus, we learn to almost fear education, because it is black and white in the cult and sometimes that does not work for people. The reason for the lack of interest in educating the members is that the leaders tend to have little education and do not want the followers to educate themselves beyond the leader's skills. If they become smarter than the leader, than the leader may also punish them, because he/she is afraid of what the follower can do and wants to stay this omnipotent person. The person is thus taught that they are tricking their way through education, they aren't actually smart enough; even after leaving the religious movement, many people still think that they are not smart enough.

Repair and Recovery/Discovery

One enters society by going through a change in one-self, a rebirth (or a birth with SGA's). SGAs sometimes say that they are as old as when they left the group, because that is how long they have been out and discovering themselves. It is hard, however, to create boundaries with limited resources of information, time and money. One needs this when developing an understand of what happened and even surviving in the “everyday” world. First an ex-member must realize that there is a social order, outside of simply a leader and the followers. There are political leaders, a different law, and very different norms or mores. These laws must be followed, but can also be questioned and can be changed in a democracy or republic. An ex-member may have to learn to take their time thinking about things. In the cult one is told to not scrutinize things, people and situations, but to make quick judgments and decisions. These are known as quick mental shortcuts. In the “real” world, ex-members have to learn to take their time, to judge situations and critically think about them.

As one leaves, they must realize that the world is a spectrum of gray, it is not black and white. There are walls to build and others to break down. SGA's have to establish trust in others outside of the group, especially if they may have never even spoken with an outsider and thus have to establish a relationship with people. Ex-members have to learn to listen and to trust themselves, it is not just others. In the cult they have learned to only trust the leader or elders and have not experienced self-trust or self-worth. One way that Dr. Leona Furnari says to do this is to keep a journal and write down your strengths. This is cheap, effective and attainable. One must create new relationship to their emotions. They have to establish how far they can feel and that they should have emotions toward something. These emotions also help them establish trust in themselves, because they are finally not denying a piece of themselves. One must cultivate compassion for oneself , not deny it. They are vulnerable, but are listening to their vulnerabilities and overcoming them. They are slowly building a relationship with themselves and their boundaries, thus each individuals recovery is their own. Each individual has their own needs and their own uniqueness. Ones goals are attainable and must be established.

Another challenge that members must face is Identifying themselves after the cult. There was a lack of relate-ability to the other members and now, in the “real” world, they much relate to other people just to survive. Going to group therapy, especially cult therapy and ex-member therapy really helps your feeling of loneliness and lack of relate-ability to others, because you realize that you are not alone. Reading books and the internet also helps. Books help you, but only if you have the resources to buy a book and are willing to have it known what you are searching, thus the Internet has helped in many ways. There is anonymity on the internet and a lot more information. Ex-member websites can offer social support, no matter what your geography is, your time constraints are or other factors. One can have internet in their own home or access it at work, a library or even a local cafe. On the internet, there are also larger numbers of helpers, ex-members, family and friends. If you do not want to talk with others online, there is also “lurking” or simply researching information. In this way, they also realize that they are not alone and are in fact one of thousands, possibly millions.

Conclusion

The “Shame” model of cults violates ones livelihood and invent perfectionism. In the right stages, boundaries are violated and thus insecure relationships between members and leaders are set. These violations need to be grieved and worked on. By working on them, a member can take back a part of themself. The easiest and suggested way to achieve this, is to leave the destructive group. Inside they also suffer from manipulation, neglect and abuse. It is thus difficult to define ones boundaries after this, it is very normal for a former members not to even know when boundaries need to be set/reset. “Melody Beattie (1992) suggests that being angry, complaining or whining are clues that boundaries need to be set.”⁷ One way to help oneself with creating boundaries is the Five Things Method ⁸ In this, the individual thinks about how each important person in their life and how they leave the individual feeling. The questions that they must answer are:

List five things that people may no longer say to you.

List five things that people need to stop doing to you.

List five things that people need to stop doing around you.

If any of these things means that something in the relationship needs to change, then one needs to reset their boundaries with that person. There are 5 ways to do this⁹:

1. When you identify that you need to set a limit with someone, do it clearly, preferably without anger.
2. You cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another's feelings.
3. You will probably feel embarrassed or afraid when you set boundaries. Do it anyway.
4. Plan on being tested when you set boundaries. It doesn't do any good to set a boundary until you are ready to enforce it.
5. Be prepared to follow through acting congruently with your boundaries. “What you do needs to match what you say.”

Setting limts on yourself and others is the first and the most important step when exiting a cult/religious movement. Ex-members need to stay true and firm in their boundaries and identity, because they will most likely be threatened or pursued by their former leader or other members. The first step is to understand and locate what the boundaries are in the cult, so that one can develop new and healthy boundaries outside of the cult. Finding your emotional voice is very important for this. There are shortcuts to finding your emotional self like there are in the cult. One must explore and express their feelings about their boundary violations in order to develop a self-esteem and to discover their boundaries. Once one reaches these boundaries, they are then already recovered in many ways. They are capable of love, intimacy, trust, respect and integrity.

1Rosanne Henry, LPC. “In recovery, boundaries are the lines and limits establishing and defining our personal territory, ourselves.

2Rosanne Henry, LPC benutzt diese Idee von Goldenberg, 1991.

3Rosanne Henry, LPC “Communication to anyone outside of the cult environment is usually discouraged and often censored and/or monitored.

4Rosanne Henrys Lektur 02.07.2009, ICSA Conferenz Genf, Schweiz

5 Michael Martella, Ph.D. Und Joyce Martella, M.A. Lektur, 02.07.2009, ICSA Conferenz, Genf, Schweiz.

6Term originally used by Robert Jay Lifton, “loaded language as a technique used in brainwashing, writing, "New words and language are created to explain the new and profound meanings that have been discovered. Existing words are also hijacked and given new and different meaning.”

7Rosanne Henrys Lektur 02.07.2009, ICSA Conferenz Genf, Schweiz

8Five Things Method, suggested by Jane Collingwood

9Melody Beattie first published this in 1987. Resource used by: Rosanne Henrys Lektur 02.07.2009, ICSA Conferenz Genf, Schweiz

3 Stufen Modell--How we leave cults

So I lived in Germany for a short time and wanted to work with the police's own cult expert---that's right, in Germany the police hire an expert on these issues--but I didn't and while looking for cultic studies in Germany I found this model for how people leave cults.  Leaving a cult is in a tier or pyramid model according to Dieter Rohmann who did these studies:


Step I predominately concerns itself with the background information of the respective movement, such as the cult ideology, the cult hierarchy and the everyday life of the cult, including the exchange of spiritual, religious, philosophical, but also political themes, etc.


n Step II the `Theory of Mind Control´ according to Lifton (1963) should be explained and further detail into various theories of social-psychology and perceptional psychology should be included. In addition, these theories should be applied to the relevant cult. 


In Step III, the motives and predisposing factors which could have been responsible for the confluence of the respective cult, shall be analysed. At the latest, by this stage, the client would like to understand why especially he/she took this path and why it was not possible to say `No´ earlier and then simply leave.






"Nevertheless, every one of these ways of leaving a cult is connected with characteristic problems and symptoms which vary from person to person and among other things, are dependent on the duration of membership and the position of the cult member. The following symptoms (Giambalvo, 1993) are, as a rule, immediately connected with leaving a cult, and therefore also primarily considered the focus of attention:
Depression, sense of purposelessness, guilt, anger, alienation, isolation, distrust, fear of going crazy, tendency to think in terms of black and white, inability to make decisions, low self-esteem, embarrassment, dissociation, floating, nightmares, inability to concentrate, family and dependency issues, etc.
The general condition after leaving a cult can be viewed as being a critical life event, a crisis which can be clearly described with the following words: No more - not yet."






Here's the link:
http://www.kulte.de/3stufenframeset.html


You may have to change it to English.

The Wedding

I haven't felt like talking and bringing up stuff due to being busy and emotionally more detached than usual, so I'll go on to say that this will not be a deep post and is merely a post.  So I went to the wedding of an ex-member who is, sadly, sympathetic still.  At the wedding there were other sympathetic people and also some current members.  This was extremely uncomfortable and strange and I tried to stay inside and away from them as much as possible.  Then...the reception came.  One of the kids there decided to try to get everyone to dance and did not know that this could be awkward for them to try to put me and a current member (possibly not anymore, but a sympathetic ex-member none the less) together.   The conversation went something like this Him:  "All just do it this once" me "Okay" and so we start dancing to hip hop music of some kind (thank god I do not remember the song so I'm not reminded of it every day at the clubs) and then he says to me "I'm Chris*, what's your name?"  Me: "I'm Lily" Him: "I live in Dallas and I sometimes drive to Houston"  Me: "How do you know I live in Houston?"  Him: "I just know everything."


Ew.  And then he invites my date and me to share his hotel room since he's there all alone, just as a friend would do, but I was definitely not going, it would create drama and anger.  That was a little less than a week ago and I think I've been kind of shaken up since then.  Remind me to try to never see current members or other sympathetic people as much as possible, bad things could happen.  Just because bad things haven't happened quite yet, doesn't mean they won't.

Also I don't like being snubbed by people, all I have to say regarding that unless you know me.

Brainwashing is a crime--just look at California!

Sorry that I haven't posted in a little under a week, sort of been crazy, whether around kids 24/4 or preparing myself for unemployment. 
An interesting story from FACTNet (a website trying to stop high control, brainwashing groups).

"Brainwashing a crime in California?   If it's not here it should be!
FACTNet news editors note: It is truly my pleasure to introduce a Knight in the fight against destructive high control groups. Especially one who is more then talk. You can talk the “Cult Phenomenon” to death like the academia love to do or you can bare arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing them at least they feel the sting of laws broken and finances lost. I personally as an ex-member applaud you and cheer out “Onward” because there is another standing right behind the one you just knocked down…
Paul Morantz is an attorney at law specializing in the prosecution of fanatical cults or religious leaders. He is most recognized for his cases against Synanon, a drug rehabilitation group in the 1970s, which attempted to kill Morantz and derail his efforts to rescue members of the group. Since then, Morantz has continued practicing law specializing in the prosecution of those whose victims claim to have been brainwashed. Morantz served as pro bono appellate counsel in Molko vs. Unification Church in 1988, which became the first case where the California Supreme Court recognized brainwashing as a criminal action and allowed victims the right to sue for damages.
Morantz wrote the story for the 1978 television movie Deadman’s Curve, based on the lives of Jan and Dean. The original story Morantz wrote was published in Rolling Stone Magazine in 1974 and was scheduled to be the cover, but Nixon resigned soon after and the story was pushed off the cover. Morantz also has published an article in the Los Angeles Times about John Walker Lindh, the American man caught fighting with the Taliban. The article is an argument for understanding some of the psychological mechanisms which may have led to Lindh joining the Taliban and raises the question of whether he may have been brainwashed.
[edit] Attempted murder conspiracy
On October 10, 1978, Morantz was bitten by a rattlesnake which had been placed in his mailbox by members of the drug rehabilitation institution, Synanon. Two members of the organization had cut the rattle off of the snake and placed it in Morantz’s Pacific Palisades home. Neighbors had reported seeing a suspicious vehicle making rounds near Morantz’s home and reported the license number to the police. The police found that the license plate had been registered to an address at Synanon and an officer checked the grounds at Morantz’s house, but found nothing out of the ordinary and no one informed Morantz of the activity. Upon returning home, Morantz was bitten on the wrist as he grabbed for the mail. Morantz stumbled outside and yelled for help from neighbors who quickly came to his assistance and called for an ambulance. Morantz was rushed to the Santa Monica Emergency Room where anti-venom could be administered and was subsequently transferred to the Los Angeles County-USC Medical Center where he made a recovery over the next several days.
Months earlier, Charles Dederich, founder of the Synanon program, had made recorded announcements over the internal P.A. system at Synanon’s compounds. These announcements made mention of enemies of Synanon and encouraged acts of violence towards them and their families. Dederich specifically mentioned targeting lawyers such as Morantz in these speeches. After the attack on Morantz, Synanon’s compound in Badger, Tulare County was searched and authorities recovered the tape recordings of these speeches. Dederich and the two members of Synanon who had carried out the attack were arrested and pleaded no-contest to conspiracy to commit murder. Instrumental in the exposure of the Synanon conspiracies was the local newspaper, Point Reyes Light, whose work on Synanon won the 1979 Pulitzer Prize for Meritorious Public Service. In 1991, Synanon’s doors closed as a result of a successful tax lawsuit which concluded that Synanon was not entitled to its charitable tax free basis as it had been attacking people in violation of public policy. Morantz assisted the Department of Justice with this case. -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Morantz

Pauls website…http://www.paulmorantz.com/"

EMDR

So there are many treatments out there that many ex-members of cults have used, however there is one that a few of my sisters have used and they have really helped out with their PTSD and other disorders associated with the cult.  The treatment that I'm talking about is called EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).  They say in Scientific American that it can really help against PTSD, but is not necessarily the best out there for other diagnoses.:

"Numerous controlled studies show that EMDR produces more improvement than absence of treatment, at least for alleviating the symptoms of civilian PTSD, such as those triggered by rape. The evidence that pertains to EMDR’s efficacy for other anxiety disorders is promising but preliminary. EMDR’s effects are most marked on self-reported measures of anxiety; its impact on physiological measures linked to anxiety (such as heart rate) is less clear-cut."

So, need help with your PTSD, memories or other cult-related therapy, maybe check this out!  Also it does not work as well as cognitive counseling, however if you've been there, done that, like many ex-members it might actually be the best for our group, or type of people.  We may not have the same PTSD that they are talking about, who knows...but try it.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=emdr-taking-a-closer-look


Also I just found a card from a LCSW that I had met at the International Cultic Studies Association's annual conference in Geneva, Switzerland two years ago and this is her info if you want to talk more about it.  She works on children, adolescents and adults:

Leona Furnari.  Boulder, Colorado.
www.leonafurnari.com
303-444-0992

Dreams/Nightmares

So my brother commented to my "Cult-about mine" post with a re-occurring dream that he used to have, I'm going to post today about a reoccurring dream that I have had post-cult, but not directly related to it.  I'm sure it says something about it, but more about my family and insecurities.  If you have any suggestions, comments or dreams of your own feel free to post here!

So my dream starts off with a bunch of my siblings in the car that my dad (Pierre) is driving.  Of course, driving was a huge part of my child, because of the cult being pretty far away and we drove there every weekend.   A big memory though is those drives along with beef stew and bread on those drives, haha.
Anyways, my dad asked if anyone of us wanted to sit on his lap to drive with him (does anyone remember him letting us drive while sitting on his lap, because I'm pretty sure this actually did happen).  Of course we all said yes, but my brother was his only son so my dad had said "The man needs to do it" quite hastily.  So my brother (around the age of 10, since that's when we left) jumped on his lap.  Now this is where the dream becomes more like a dream; we started driving up a mountain that we went around in a circle (like the story of sisyphus).  So my brother was driving while sitting on my dad's lap and then he decides to drive straight and not curve the wheel.  The whole family was now soaring through the air like Thelma and Louise  and we landed on a house, well alive and nothing really wrong except that the house is basically destroyed.  We get out of the car and that's about it.  Interesting dream, doesn't exactly have the cult in it, but we were driving to it.

Any stories of your own like or not like that?  Comment or write to me separately, but don't put real names.

My grandmother's correspondence two years after my eldest sister was born.

...]Chuck* came with us and we went down to Judeah*.  It ws a very upsetting time.  We sat on the floor all afternoon and held and talked to Yael.  She is a beautiful child.  Very shy.  Beautiful green eyes with lovely long lashes.  I didn't get her to smile until I lifted her up and we looked in a mirror.  She would reach up and put her finger through my gold ear rings.  The only word she said, and that was really whispered, was daddy.  The only furniture they have is a bed and dresser.  In Yael's room there is a small mattress on the floor.  In the kitchen they have a small board on a low barrel for a table.  They sit on the floor.  Before Pierre* ate they of course did their bowing act on the floor.  Even Yael.  However she was peaking at us under her arm.  In the living room there was one lamp on a card board box.  However they are driving a Lexus* (bought new last year because LEADER* said Pierre spends so much time in a car he deserves a comfortable one.)  They still have the car they bought the year they were married.  Both cars have been in accidents.  One when Rose* was driving and one when Pierre was driving.  He is still working at the factory and gets in a few hours work on the side in carpentry.  He is thinking of trying to take a course in selling insurance.  Rose works as supervisor of the apartment complex.  She had just finished mowing the lawn when we came.  Her baby is due the end of this month, or so LEADER says. She didn't look that big to me. She will have it at home with the Lords help. I wonder what Yael's blood type is, and if there could be a RH problem.
When I asked Rose if she saw much of Pierre's mother we found out that she and his siblings* left the group last year. Evidently his mother fell in love with a man who she had worked with, and left for that reason. Turns out she has been married X* times, and maybe hasn't been divorced as many times as she should have been.  Anyway, the whole family is now going downhill (according to Rose.)  Pierre's oldest sister lives in New York*, and has never been involved with the group.   [...]

*changed everyone's name and location for security reasons

Cult--about mine.

Cannot find the questions, but three years ago I answered some questions on this website about my cult, I will try to re-word and figure out what the questions were by re-reading.
https://www.freedomofmind.com/forms/submitgroupinfo.html


Edit****

I received an email from my mom, which is far more accurate and I wrote the answers years ago and now I know much more.  Her email:
"I think some of your answers weren't quite accurate--but they were probably your perceptions-- for instance, we never had a rule we couldn't eat canned food. We weren't supposed to eat OUT of the can.  And it makes it sound as if all families were eventually on food stamps, but that wasn't the case. Our family did because we were in school. We didn't ask permission to have kids or sex--they just happened."





What control tactics did they use?
a.What was family communication like?


1. a.You live with your family, but cannot hug or kiss.  You cannot have friends, at the very least outside the cult.  You should tattle on anyone not following G**, be it family, friends or other.  You cannot communicate with family outside the cult (although we didn't follow the association rules, my parents were too busy working to notice and even they didn't care too much.)

b. What clothing did they control?
b.Girls were suppose to wear skirts which would be made  at home by ourselves and a blouse, all of which would be neutral colored, or very plain looking.  We had to keep our hair up in a bun and we could never cut our hair.  The boys had to keep their hair very short and wear dark pants (no jeans) and a button up shirt.

What food did they control?
c. At one point we could not eat canned food, but he changed that rule so later we could.  We couldn't eat Pork eventually, but earlier on you could eat pork.  We  weren't suppose to have candy(including chocolate), although we could have ice cream, which doesn't make a lot of sense to me.  We couldn't drink alcohol, or caffeinated drinks.

How did he regulate sleep?
d. There was no huge regulation on sleep, although we couldn't sleep during prayer which could be 12 hours long if God had told him so.  We also had to wake up early for meetings, but he never set an exact time that I know of.

How did he control finances?
e. He was more dependent on our money than us on his (which in essence was ours anyways).  We gave and gave money until we lived on food stamps, even the richest families.  He made people work for him for free at his stores and they also sold expired food to the families.

How did he control entertainment and fun activities i.e. vacations, movies, sports?
f.  Vacations?  We didn't need vacations he would tell us.  We lived in Rochester, Minnesota and drove almost to Green Bay every weekend for the cult...if you could call that a vacation.  We were not suppose to watch movies unless they were educational and showed the Jewish culture in a good way, or Nazis/Anti-Semitics in a bad way.  We used to swim a lot when our parents weren't home in the river near our house, but we would never tell them, because we were not allowed to.

What were the rituals?

2.  The group rituals were basically prayer time.  We had time to study and clean and the adults would work on construction or handy work.  The mothers took care of the children and the most elite would cook with the leader and pray with him.  Every Wed. we went to a local farm that was our meeting center and on the weekends we would drive across the state no matter what conditions there may have been (pregnancy, hunger, traffic, weather).

What were permissions like?

3. You needed to ask permission for almost everything...moving, having children, having sex, movies to watch, what school to put children into, whether we could go to an educational event (Mano a Mano in Rochester was one we went to).  


Was there brown-nosing?

4.  We were always taught to rat people out, even if we loved them.  If you daydreamed during the service the girls or boys around you would hit you, and sometimes were asked what you were thinking about, if he noticed.  Most of my memories are blurred, but anytime we had a bad thought, I remember deciding not to tell him or anyone I even loved.


Were there any rewards for being a good follower?  Any punishments if you weren't?

5. The only reward I can remember is him smiling at you and liking you.  It was one of the most important things, to be his favorite.  I much preferred being unnoticed than his favorite, because soon enough we would have a new favorite.  Punishment was usually physical abuse, although for many girls and maybe even some boys it was sexual abuse.  

How did he control group cohesion?

6. To decrease our thinking and brainstorming off of one another he told us to tell on others and to talk to each other as little as possible.

Me when I was about 3 years old and all of my siblings.